My Brother Mark's Annual Super Bowl Prediction

Mark’s Super Bowl XLIV Predictions
January, 2010

I make my Super Bowl predictions just before the conference championship games. Why wait until we know who’s playing in the big game? Anyone can do that and still have a 50-50 chance of being correct. This way, my great prognosticating skills are displayed when there’s only a 25% chance of naming the winner.
Rest assured that I have made every effort to support my predictions with extensive research. I have spent months watching games, analyzing statistics, consulting with bearded old guys on mountains, skipping rocks, searching on Google, folding socks, frying Spam, talking to players, coaches, and fans (They were not playing, coaching, or watching football, but who cares?), drinking Gatorade, picking peppers off of pizzas, bike riding with my shirt on inside out and backwards, simulating NFL games on my computer, reading books about players who no longer play, and repairing EFL game board on/off switches; all to bring you the most accurate predictions anywhere on the planet.
So here, without further fanfare, are my Super Bowl XLIV Predictions:

This was a tough call, but I am confident when I predict that the AFC team will be undefeated in the playoff games leading up to the Super Bowl. Ditto for the NFC team.
The gun fired to signify the end of the half will not adversely affect the resident deer population.
The kicking game will prove crucial, as kickers for both teams will rapidly put their best foot forward.
The winning quarterback who barks out signals will move many men, but won’t be mistaken for a canine by cats; thus the felines won’t be inspired to move.
The coin flipped at the beginning of the game will not be wearing a safety helmet for its flight.
There will be a stripe on the helmet of the AFC champs.
“V” returns to append Super Bowl for the first time in six years.
The NFC team will have won two playoff games against opponents with consistency between them regarding the presence of a fore to aft helmet stripe.
If you ask, “Who is playing at halftime?” you already knew.
The AFC field goal kicker will be number three.
The little warning sticker on players’ helmets will be more difficult to see than the numbers on the jerseys.
The sound of a whistle will start and stop each play.
At least one starting quarterback will have a single digit jersey number.
Once again, the orange kitties will not be playing on the field, although they may be chasing mice under the bleachers.
The team that scores last scores after the other one.
The difference between the AFC place kicker’s jersey number and that of the NFC place kicker can be expressed using the 4-bit binary number 0010 or 0101.
The Long Snapper for the AFC champs will have an eight on his jersey.
The AFC team will be wearing helmets which are predominantly white.
The Super Bowl XLIV champion will not represent birds, ranch hands, prospectors, goats, pirates, mammals renown for depositing their feces in forests, jingoists, cats, coach’s last name bearers, metal workers, early American residents, very large folks, heads side of nickels, nor water inhabiting mammals.
This will be the 45th consecutive year that insects and fish are not represented.
The name of the AFC champ’s home state is within the name of the home city.
If they are not separated by one, the winner’s home state and city begin with the same letter.
This will be the first time in four years that red is not a team colour. Periwinkle has yet to make an appearance.
The band playing at halftime will not be marching.
We’ll know what Phil said by game day.
The halftime show will be significantly shorter than the pre-game show.
The number of the AFC place kicker and punter will differ arithmetically by a factor of three.
The winning team will be wearing black cleats. At least, most of players will. We don’t know what colours the kicker will wear.
The second place finisher’s punter will not use a tee on fourth down; although he may come forth to get a second cup o’ tea.
The head coach who will lead his team to Super Bowl XLIV victory did not win his age group at Ironman Louisville last year.
Many members of the winning team will wear baseball hats immediately after the game. Conversely, none of the members of the World Series winning team wears a football helmet after the game.
None of the players on Injured Reserve will be elected MVP.
One of the players on the NFC team who kicks the ball will wear number five.
The logo on the NFC champs’ helmets makes at least one point.
The TV commercials will not feature any of my poetry.

The football’s trajectory endpoints on pass plays and kicks will be separated by finite periods of time void of human contact with the ball.

[volcanohead]

Great predictions, you sound very intelligent yet completely outragous.